Reception Class Starter – A User’s Guide
Dear Teaching Staff,
First of all, I would like to take this moment to congratulate you on your decision to become a co-carer of the Seth Version 1.0. I am sure you will be delighted with your new acquisition.
Although the creators consider the Seth v.1.0 to be practically perfect, I am enclosing a users guide for this particular version.
The Seth v.1.0 will be sent to you, fully charged, every morning.
Unfortunately this particular version does run out of fuel quite quickly and by lunchtime may show signs of possible malfunction due to hunger. These signs can include a CBA attitude and a bit of a grump.
This will be resolved instantly with food.
Whilst we will send the Seth v.1.0 to you shiny and clean every day, we do not expect it returned in similar fashion. This device is adept at seeking out muck in the cleanest of places and so will become tarnished at the first given opportunity.
This version of the Seth is fitted with a fully functioning language chip. We have set this to ‘English’ as a primary language and it generally works well.
We have noticed, however, that at times of excitement/annoyance this chip can default to ‘gibberish’.
If this happens, a soft reset* should fix it straight away.
The Seth v.1.0 was also designed with a ‘mimic’ function (though neither creator is taking credit for this). After four and a half years of study, even our experts aren’t entirely sure how it works, it seems to be activated when the Seth v.1.0 is being corrected or is in ‘humour’ mode.
Unfortunately, surrounding devices may not be in ‘humour’ mode at the same time and it can trigger annoyance in other devices.
The vast knowledge of our experts has determined that staying silent is the only way to disable the mimic function – any research you undertake regarding this would be received with interest.
Like many similar models, the Seth comes complete with opposable thumbs and is capable of the ‘tripod’ grip required for writing, however it will default from ‘write’ to ‘scribble’.
If a moment of letter forming does happen to occur, the unit will rectify this by putting itself into ‘scribble’ mode and remove the perfectly formed letter.
This model of the Seth has been designed to interact and be compatible with other similar devices, and is largely successful when in this mode. There are rare occasions where this feature will falter and ‘warning’ noises will be emitted from the device, usually if a similar device doesn’t want to pair.
Again, a soft reset* will usually rectify this immediately.
The unit comes with three physical speeds – ‘Snail pace’, ‘normal’ and ‘train’. For reasons unknown, the unit is often stuck in ‘train’, unless of course you need to manoeuvre it at speed when it will quickly put itself into ‘snail pace‘ mode. ‘Normal’ is rarely used.
On the plus side, this version of the Seth will never be able to sneak up on you.
At times the Seth v.1.0 can become quite tactile offering hugs and words of encouragement. Unfortunately, as speed is often set to ‘train’ a hug can often be mistaken for a rugby tackle. As primary creator and receiver of such hugs, I can assure you it is meant in the kindest possible way.
The words of encouragement often include “You’re the best….ever”, “Just be brave” and “You can do it”.
The Seth v.1.0 comes with two volume settings – ‘asleep’ and ‘loud’.
As the recharging of the unit will be done at home, you will mostly experience use in the ‘loud’ setting. For reasons unknown, a volume control was not included with this version. I can only apologise for that and assure you that the designer for that function was duly reprimanded.
Despite the possible glitches outlined that may occur with the Seth v.1.0 we have decided that this version will remain the only one.
We are sure that you will enjoy your daily interactions with him as much as we do.
You can do it!
*A soft reset is performed by removing the Seth v.1.0 from the situation causing the malfunction and bringing a train/vehicle/other exciting object into view.
This post was first published here on the very lovely Me, Annie Bee. If you have a few minutes to spare why not have a click / scroll / read?
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