Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Picasso Babies

You know…

Babies who’ve mastered rolling at one day old or can sing the alphabet at 3months? Ain’t that right Heather 😉

What’s this motherly competition? Because let me tell you Oscar hasn’t rolled, he hasn’t sung, he sure as hell isn’t off to university (Sophia… Eyes on you little girly)

But people do believe they’ve given birth to small Einsteins . . Mini geniuses . . . No your baby is not saying ‘hello mummy how are you?’ at 4 weeks… And no he didn’t walk out of your foof? !

I see a lot of older babies 12months+ on my Facebook and the mums are comparing all the things they can do.

‘Harry’s been to violin, football and Olympic swimming lessons’

‘Well Noah trialled for man city today and also can speak 5 languages.‘

We don’t need to one up… It isn’t if you’ve been to tenerife I’ve been elevenerife! Know what I’m saying?!

Right let me be the first to say this.

Apart from yourself and your mother in law, NOBODY CARES. Nobody cares that little Jenny’s on solids or that little Mia cut her first tooth at 3 weeks. We don’t want to know if your 5 week old is already potty trained.

We’re busy, cleaning a shitty nappy off our 3 month old who can’t hold his own head up, or laugh, or do anything at all he should by this milestone. Let alone do a triathlon. In fact honestly, I’d rather watch a bit of Jezza Kyle.

Fortunately I don’t come into contact with many people like this, but I do see the odd Facebook story pop up especially recently:

‘5month old potty trained‘

‘7week old clearly saying mum‘.

I’m sorry. But I’m calling bollocks! And if it’s true… More fool you.

A) they don’t make pants little enough for a five month old. Looks like your gonna be off to the public loos a lot more often.

B) No peace and quiet for you bitch!

This post was first published here! For more from You Forgot My Sauce click here. Or down there. Or up there. Just click.

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