Passive Aggression Now The Top Form Of Aggression For ‘Really Clever’ People

Stunning

A ‘stunningly well researched’ study has thrillingly shown that passive aggressiveness is now the ‘go to’ form of aggression for brainy Brits.

Testicles

Traditionally famous for punching each other in the street after a few pints and shouting insults at strangers whilst puffing out chests and scratching their testicles, Brits apparently now prefer to abuse strangers on social media using thinly veiled insults – whilst puffing out chests and scratching their testicles.

Knob

The team of really clever and well thought of researchers, led by my personal heros Nobby ‘The Knob’ Knobberson and Shirley ‘No Shit’ Sherlock spent 5 months working really hard on this ground-breaking, very well-written piece.

To ensure their research was super accurate they confined it purely to Twitter. Because obviously that’s a really sensible thing to do.

Bell End

They studied the tweets of 72 (because 75 would have been too much work, clearly) bloggers over a 3 month period. The tweet breakdown by theme was found to be as follows:

Links to own blog posts – 75%

Slagging people off using insults poorly disguised as compliments – 9%

Slagging people off without actually using their names but done in such an obvious way that it’s virtually impossible to miss – 8%

Genuine conversation – 3%

Traditionally aggressive comments (e.g. you’re a twat / idiot / I hope your bollocks get eaten by a rabid donkey you bell end) – 3%

Other – 3%

(Lists that actually total 100% are soooooo 1990s it would seem 🤔)

Twattish

So where does this brilliant research leave us? Has it cured cancer? Has it obliterated world hunger?

No.

But we do now have conclusive proof that some people on Twitter are a bit Twattish. Who’d have thought it?!

Mind = blown. 💣💥

Now that their world class study is complete Nobby and Shirley can return to designing rockets or repairing brains or whatever other super important things really, really clever people do.

Well done, guys.

No. Really. Clap, clap, clap. 👏👏👏

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