Given she was pretty much the first contributor to our glittery, shittery website, it is slightly curious that this week’s
victim interviewee has never actually featured on our super-awesome weekly monthly when we can be arsed series, So You Think You’re Funny? It wasn’t even for any super-secret reason – more a case of her forgetting that she was meant to be doing it and me forgetting that she hadn’t done it.
But now, by jove, she’s done it!
Starting off on the terribly exciting Book of Faces she expanded her empire into the world of blogging and has now even written a book (not that it’s published yet!). She was also, perhaps most importantly, one of only 4 people that turned up to our first ever YHTL
piss up get together! And yes, two of them were me and my blogging wife, so it was a pretty big deal!
Without further ado let me introduce this week’s featured funny person, Beth from Beta Mummy.
1. Tell us about yourself in 20 words or less:
Short. Massive boobs. Chartered engineer. Terrible doodler. Vaguely amusing? Divorced. Love tea and cake. Hate litter and the general public.
2. How would your child(ren) describe you?
Short. Massive boobs. Chartered engineer… Definitely not amusing. They’d probably say I shout too much, sing badly, and force them to eat vegetables (fair enough).
3. When and why did you last properly laugh out loud?
This afternoon at something my youngest said.
Me: “Hurry up and get into the car, I need to get home cos I need a wee”
T: “Hold your willy then!”
Me: “I don’t have a willy!”
T: “Hold your hole!”
4. Do you try to be funny when you are writing? Tell us a bit about your blogging ‘process’.
I don’t try to not be funny. I try not to be unfunny. Is that the same thing? I really don’t think too much about what I’m writing…you can probably tell. I do think you can tell when somebody is trying very hard to be funny, it comes through in their writing, and I would hate it if people reading my stuff got that sense about me. Basically I just write what amuses me – I’m always laughing at my own jokes!
5. What is the funniest thing you’ve read in the past few months?
No. Nope. Not answering that one. I read a lot of funny stuff – in fact I pretty much only read funny stuff – and I’m not going to pick out just one because then I’ll remember something else that was funnier, and that’ll bug me.
6. What are the best and worst things about becoming a parent?
Best: Kids are hilarious. The cuddles. When they learn something new and are so proud of themselves. The infectious excitement and enjoyment they find in the simplest things in life. Having someone to use as an excuse to use a shop’s loo, or for a bad fart, or for having a really messy house.
Worst: Being absolutely bloody knackered all the time. Constantly worrying/planning/feeling guilty about something. Removal of any kind of spontaneity in life. TOYS EVERYWHERE. Hangovers – they take on a whole new level of awful.
7. Do your friends/family find you funny in ‘real life’?
I don’t know. You should probably ask them. Actually don’t.
8. Go on, say something funny!
Something funny. *rolls on floor laughing*
9. How did you get into writing and why?
I’ve always loved writing, but in terms of my blog – that came out of my doodles which I started doing as something to occupy myself with when my husband moved out. I would love to publish a book one day (I’ve written most of one, and have recently started another) but given how much absolute bollocks there is out there, you’d be amazed how tricky it is to actually get published!
10. If you could only have one meal every day for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
Oh god, this is like asking me which of my children is my favourite… I’m going to go with the first thing which sprang to mind, which was a proper roast dinner. Let’s say roast lamb, with all the trimmings.
11. Complete the sentence; ‘Since having a child…’
My tummy is baggier, my boobs are saggier, my patience is thinner and my feet are bigger (Why?! How?!)
12. In your opinion, what is the worst children’s TV show, and why?
Oh goodness, now there’s a question. They’re all pretty terrible, aren’t they? I go through phases of which one I hate most, which usually happens to coincide with whichever one my kids are currently obsessed with. I really hate Dora the Explorer (the pauses whilst she waits for answers really piss me off), and Bing because Bing is a whiny little sod and Flop is annoyingly patient. I’m a big fan of Octonauts, though. Octonauts and Go Jetters, despite the highly implausible premise of both.
13. Please tell us about your blog and why we should visit:
My blog is a collection of terrible annotated doodles, and associated ramblings about the trials and tribulations of poor, dishevelled, incompetent Beta Mummy (no idea who that’s based upon), and her annoyingly perfect counterpart, Alpha Mummy. It’s supposed to be a light-hearted, relatable take on what a disaster everyday parenting can be. Visit if you want a bit of a laugh and don’t like reading about how Instagramarvellous being a mother is. Also my posts are usually really short so you won’t be wasting too much time reading them!
Other excitable words.
If you enjoyed what Beth had to say why not pop over to her blog or Facebook page where you will find a smattering of words crafted around a really rather awesome collection of doodles? It’ll be worth the effort of that little click – I promise!
PS – Don’t forget – if you write funny stuff about parenting and fancy answering a few questions get in touch! We’re always looking for new funny folks to feature. Especially if it involves fricative alliteration…