Halloween isn’t my favourite installation on the calendar, to be honest. This is partly because it falls during Autumn, which I make no secret of disliking. It’s just after the clocks go back, which means I’m full of despair at the short days and the feeling that spring will never arrive and that we are doomed to darkness for ever and ever and ever….
And, no disrespect to my friends across the Atlantic, because I really do love you, but isn’t Halloween rather…American? I love America, I’ve visited many times, but I do get a little annoyed at our insistence on copying all their trends (Halloween, baby showers, gender reveals, elf on the shelf, etc etc). Halloween has basically eclipsed our ever-so-British November 5th celebration of Bonfire Night. I love the whole concept of Bonfire Night – what other nation in the world would celebrate a revolution NOT happening, a government NOT being overthrown?! It’s brilliant.
Last and not least, I dislike Halloween because I am a grumpy old sod and I hate people knocking on my door, particularly after dark. I ignore knocks on the door after dark on any night of the year, because it’s scary when you’re the only adult in the house and you have no idea who might be out there. I dread to think how the elderly must feel. And those IT clown masks….shudder. Organised trick or treating, where you call on friends and family on a pre-arranged basis, is fine – I suppose.
Anyway, I realise that all of the above is in no way funny, and you’re only here for funny, so I’ll quit bleating on about my gripes with this festivity which everyone else seems perfectly happy with. And besides, this post was supposed to be about pumpkins, so here goes…
I’m seeing a lot of this sort of thing on Instagram and the like at the moment:
Against my better judgement, and only ever because the kids pester me and I’m a complete pushover, we normally end up with a Halloween pumpkin which looks something like this:
Last year our pumpkin melted all over the kitchen windowsill overnight into a mouldy liquid mess and dribbled all down the wall. So yeah, can’t wait to do it all again this year…!