Wednesday, June 19, 2024
Fake NewsYHTL Blog

Doggers Up In Arms As Council Allows FAMILIES To Use Woodland During Summer Holidays

Users of a country park in Berkshire are campaigning against a decision by the local council to allow CHILDREN and FAMILIES to use the venue during the school holidays.

The park, along with associated car park, toilets and cafe, are popular throughout the year with those seeking a bit of outdoor loving. We spoke to one dogger, Mike Hock, who told us:

‘For 46 weeks of the year we are the only ones who use the park during the week. Now suddenly swarms of bloody children and their disinterested parents will start invading the place. It’s really hard to concentrate when there’s dogs barking and parents shouting and kids screaming. It’s that bad it almost makes me want to have sex at home with the wife.’

Dogging, the art of performing sexual acts in public places, often with strangers, is commonplace in parks and woodland across the UK and helps keep local cafes and ice cream vans in business throughout the quieter months.

Mike continued:

‘Councils really need to do something to protect our open spaces so that people like me can enjoy them as nature intended. Why can’t kids just stay at home and watch TV or play video games like they used to?’

A fellow dogger, Claire Bear, was even more upset:

‘Why can’t these so called families piss off with their little shitbags? If we turned up at one of those soft play places and started touching each other up we’d be thrown out, so why should they be allowed into our parks?! It’s just not right. Kids should play in their own houses, not in parks.’

A petition has now received 342 signatures from doggers across Berkshire and a poster campaign has been launched. The hashtags #doggersagainstdogs and #keepkidsindoors are also trending on Twitter.

For more dubious, moderately amusing bites of dodgy parenting humour, click here!

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