Wait, what? Why would I possibly want to tick off my employees? Wouldn’t that just make them less productive and lead to them ultimately leaving? Exactly! No business owner who is serious about actually staying in business would want to tick off their employees because they know that their staff are the backbone of their operation.
With that in mind, below, we’re going to take a look at a few of the best ways to tick off your employees, so that if you’re a good boss who’s serious about running a successful business, you can avoid doing them yourself!
1. Consistently Pay Them Late
Want to make sure your employees are always on their toes? Don’t use payroll software to ensure they always get paid on time; make payday a fun guessing game! Will they get paid this week, next week, or maybe next month? The suspense will surely keep them motivated… to find a new job, perhaps?
2. Micromanage EVERYTHING
Remember: your employees don’t need breathing room. Hover over them like an overbearing parent at a playground. Be sure to critique their every move – even the inconsequential ones. Who knew choosing the wrong paperclip could bring about the end of civilization?
3. Never Say “Thank You”
Gratitude? Who needs it? If you start acknowledging their hard work, they might start expecting it all the time. Best to keep those ‘thank you’s locked away in a vault somewhere.
4. Communication? What’s That?
If you have important information that could help your team, keep it to yourself. It’s like a game of Telephone, but where no one gets to play, and the business suffers!
5. Last-Minute Changes Are Your BFFs
So, your team has worked tirelessly on a project for weeks, right? Well, 5 minutes before the presentation is the perfect time to let them know you’ve had a total change of heart about the direction. Fun, right?
6. Flexible Working Hours (But Not Really)
Tell your team they can have flexible working hours, then call a mandatory meeting for 7 AM on a Monday. It’s the thought that counts!
7. The Floor is Lava, but with Vacation Days
Sure, they have vacation days, but make it an Olympic-level challenge to actually get them approved. The harder it is, the more rewarding the vacation… probably?
8. Open Door Policy (Just Kidding!)
Tell them you have an open-door policy. But also, invest in the most intimidating, sound-proof, and massive door you can find. For bonus points, stare them down every time they even glance in its direction.
9. Promote People Randomly
You know who’d be great for the managerial role? The intern who started last week. Experience is overrated anyway.
10. The Infinite Feedback Loop
Ask your team for feedback. Then, after they’ve shared, ask them again. And again. And once more for good measure. Implementing their feedback, however, is optional.
If you want to tick off your employees, do the above, but if you value your staff, then these are 10 things you should never do!