Zoom Chats ‘Make It Hard To Slag Off Your Friends’

The upsurge in usage of popular video conferencing sites such as Skype and Zoom during the lockdown has really helped friends and families stay in touch during this super difficult time.

However, research has shown that these sites don’t come without their difficulties.

Top Ten Zoom Chat Challenges

Here are some of the main issues raised by users of Zoom chats:

  1. Being on screen constantly makes it difficult to fart and pick your nose without everyone seeing
  2. The group format makes it hard to discreetly bitch about other friends on the call regarding their clothing choices or personality defects
  3. Seeing into other people’s houses can reveal shocking features, such as dismembered body parts, chained up hostages and ‘Live, Love, Laugh‘ wall decorations
  4. Friends’ spouses that were reported as being attractive, intelligent, funny people are revealed to be personality vacuums with no redeeming features
  5. It’s hard to discreetly flirt with friends when 24 other people are watching and almost impossible to sneak off for an illicit snog
  6. The annoying nature of some friends’ voices are amplified as there’s no background music and conversation to help drown them out
  7. Conversations need to have more substance than the normal ‘club chat’ of out-of-tune singing interspersed with ‘you alright?’, ‘Eh?’, ‘ARE YOU OK?’, ‘CAN’T HEAR YOU!’, ‘WHAAAAAAT?!’
  8. If you need to go off for a challenging shit it’s really obvious
  9. When you stare at yourself on camera for 2 solid hours you realise how one eye is lower than the other and that you have a wonky smile
  10. You can’t have horrifically inappropriate conversations when your friend’s child and your great aunt Maude are also on the chat

Despite these minor issues, users are reported as being very grateful for Zoom chats as it gives them a break from their partners and whining offspring for a few minutes – even if it does sometimes involve an online quiz about Pokémon or a game in which you repeatedly fail to decide which of your friends are aliens.

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