Toddler cartoon plots must be hard to generate day after day, season after season. After all, the allowed content is fairly restrictive, there are only ever a maximum of 10 characters to shoehorn into a story, the plot has to be fully resolved in under ten minutes and it will be repeated ad infinitum.
Through the medium of Christmas presents, I have attempted to generate a few cartoon plots which may help spice up some of Joshua’s favourite shows. There is a potential that some or all of these plot proposals may be rejected before they see the light of CGI…
Paw Patrol – Ryder Saves Himself From A Life Of Abject Misery
The pups are called by the ridiculously inept mayor’s chicken to do something trivial relating to a pig and a cow that had somehow escaped from the farm of the almost as inept farmer Al and farmer Yumi onto the forecourt of an 24hr petrol station. The outcome was pretty tedious but it involved talking dogs in cars.
Ryder has a long hard look at where his life is heading. How long can he waste his days tarting around with some talking dogs in a town consisting of no more than 10 people? Why does he keep wearing the same outfit every day even though his parents are clearly billionaires? Are the dogs really talking or is it all just in his head?
Ryder decides he needs some time away from it all, so he looks at all the things in his wardrobe that he has somehow managed to avoid wearing for the past few years and decides to put on his tux and bugger off on his private jet with some buddies and hit Vegas – hard. He comes back with a coke addiction, a women who he mistakenly married and a tiger. He never sees the pups again.
Ben & Holly’s Little Kingdom – Nanny Plum Behind Bars
Nanny Plum gets sick and tired of working for the completely inept King Thistle and can’t stick another day of Holly’s winey voice, so decides to make her own money by teaming up with the Wise Old Elf. One thing leads to another and the pair share a few private moments. The magic really starts to happen, if you know what I mean.
Realising that Nanny Plum has fallen for his pensioner charms, the Wise Old Elf takes advantage of her good nature by making her run a few errands for him. Little does Nanny Plum realise that the Wise Old Elf is involved in the horse meat business and has been swapping out beef for horse meat in the food that he supplies to Mr Elf for delivery. Meanwhile the Police had been working covertly and monitoring the developing scandal. One night they follow Nanny Plum and catch her red-handed. She is arrested and spends 3 years in prison for offences against meat.
Blaze & The Monster Machines – Blaze Disappears Up His Own Arse
Blaze realises that he’s actually been a bit of a knob by winning every single race that has taken place in Axle City. Not only has he been regularly defeating Crusher, he’s also been making his friends look like dicks by lapping them on the racetrack. Blaze hatches a plan that involves letting someone else win a race for a change. To ensure he will not be talked out of it, he ditches his ‘driver’ AJ before the race starts.
However, Blaze has become so obsessed with winning and with promoting his own image that at the last minute he decides to create a miniature replica of himself which he lets win the race. Just. Everyone agrees that Blaze is a bit of a knob and he is banned from all future competitions.
Postman Pat – Pat Contemplates A Change of Career
Pat is driving around the village with his incredibly old cat, Jess, delivering long overdue letters to the villagers. He looks back on his 30 years with Royal Mail and wonders if he shouldn’t have done something more with his life, considering his Masters in Criminal Psychology. After delivering another not particularly Special Delivery in his excessively expensive helicopter, he wonders if this has in any way contributed to the excessive rise in the cost of stamps in recent years.
Pat spends the evening drowning his sorrows. The next morning he wakes up, quits his job and joins Herbalife.
Meanwhile, train driver Ajay Bains puts in a large order for some bespoke new trains from Eastern Europe. To his horror, when they arrive it becomes clear that he has really ballsed up the measurements that he put on the online train design tool from the manufacturer’s website.
Dora The Explorer – Dora Gets Some Constructive Feedback
Dora wakes up one morning and decides that she needs a new direction in life. She asks for some 360 degree feedback from her friends to find out if there are any parts of her personality that she could work on to help her get ahead in life. The 7 page list they produce includes:
- Stop talking bloody Spanish at random intervals!!!
- Stop staring at me with your big dead cow eyes!
- Get a new haircut
- Stop talking to your rucksack
- Get a less annoying voice
Dora enters a deep period of reflection and is never seen by anyone ever again. The world rejoices.