A massive upsurge in demand for new front doors has left supplies nationwide at DANGEROUSLY low levels, according to monthly magazine, ‘Doors Weekly‘.
The publication, with an average readership of 27, laid the blame for this shortage FIRMLY at the door of PARENTS and described the consequences as CATASTROPHIC.
They claim that the national craze for sharing photos of schoolchildren exiting their homes on their first day of school has left stocks of front doors severely depleted as worried parents rushed out to upgrade their entrances.
‘This year especially’, they wrote, ‘parents have decided to take the plunge by purchasing new doors to match their children’s uniforms, so as to really stand out on social media.’
The drain on nationwide supplies of doors has had a significant impact on residents and homebuilders alike. Local builder, Bob The, told us that he hasn’t been able to source a door for love nor money.
‘We’ve just finished an exclusive development of 52 new homes in a gated community with tennis courts, swimming pools and a moat, but unfortunately no one is buying them because we can’t find any front doors to put on them. Parents just don’t think about who else they are having an impact on. My life is effectively RUINED’
Local residents are also struggling. We spoke to Brenda Weener, who has owned her home for 11 years and recently suffered a break in. She said:
‘We unfortunately had our home broken into last week when someone smashed through our front door whilst we were out for the evening. We’ve been trying all week to find a new door to have installed to keep our home safe, but there just aren’t any available. I hope these bloody parents realise that because of their selfish actions my house has now been burgled 18 times this week.’
A charity, Save The Doors, has now been set up with the aim of locating discarded doors and bringing them back into service for those families in need.
The message is simple. If you see a door that is no longer in use, give them a call on 078001122334. They will come out and rehome that door. Your actions could help save a family in crisis.
Save The Doors have also asked us to pass a vital message to all parents. Before you decide to take a photo of your child in front of your door for social media purposes next year, just THINK about how your selfish actions may be RUINING LIVES. You’re all BASTARDS.
For more fake news click here!