Bean has been potty training since July. His sister was a little angel at potty training- a couple of accidents but then she got it and never looked back.
Her brother however, is finding the whole thing a little tedious. He does not understand why being ‘wet’ causes such a fuss. He does not understand why everyone constantly tries every bribery tactic known to man to get him to sit on the toilet.
So, in order to keep calm and to try to have a sense of humour about the whole situation – I’ve compiled:
‘A three year old’s guide to using the toilet from a 3 year old pro‘.
(Let’s hope we don’t have to write another one for 4 year olds.)
1. Decide potties are not for you. Use them as boats, hats or as a shopping basket…but never for going to the toilet.
2. Decide you can only use the toilet in optimum conditions ie: when the light is on, when the radiators are on, when there isn’t any ‘blue cleaner’ in, when mummy is feeding the baby or trying to get the baby to sleep.
3. Decide the toilet is better purposed for other things. Find other things that would like a trip in the toilet. For example, elastic bands, beads and toy money.
4. Make it as difficult as possible for anyone to get you to the toilet. Confuse your mummy by saying ‘I don’t need to go the toilet’ when you really do. Run all around the house before actually arriving at the toilet and announcing ‘I’m wet.’
5. When you actually really need to go – walk as slowly as you can to the toilet and position yourself teetering on the edge. This will ensure that your clothes and floor get sprayed, which is really funny.
6. Toilet rolls and light pulls make great toys. Pull off loads and loads of toilet roll. It works well as a dress or tights – you could always wrap your sister up in it. Failing that just put the whole brand new toilet roll down the toilet (which obviously you haven’t flushed.) Then stand on the toilet and pull the light switch on and off many times. When mummy tries to be clever and ties the light switch up- find a stool and recommence pulling the light switch on and off.
7. Embarrass your mummy. When out in public – ensure you make a real fuss about going to the toilet. ONLY when your mummy has promised A LOT of trips on a train or tram do you agree to go. When you go, announce loudly that ‘mummy doesn’t wipe your bottom like daddy does’ and become over excited at the sight of a plug: ‘mummy, we have one of those at home!!’
8. Try to run out of the toilet without washing your hands. This will ensure mummy chases you round the house- which is a really good game! Then scream the house down when mummy only gives you a tiny blob of soap. Wait until mummy forgets to put the soap ‘up high’ and then paint with soap all around the bathroom. It makes pretty pictures. If Mummy does put the soap ‘up high’ – find the stool and recommence. Also – splashing water on the mirror causes mummy to do a good high pitched noise.
9. Take forever drying your hands. Mummy will probably get bored and wander off, which means you can pretend to be a ghost with the towel and hide it in crazy places. This ensures mummy will play a good game of hide and seek later when she tries to find it.
10. Never listen to any instructions. When mummy says ‘go to the toilet before dinner’, ignore her and announce during dinner that you are wet. This means the changing and toilet trips will prolong the time you have before you are forced to eat vegetables. She may even forget to make you eat them because she wants you to have a bath.
Good luck 3 year olds – we will drive them insane eventually.
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