Thursday, April 18, 2024
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NSFSR – Not Suitable For The School Run


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We’ve all seen the NSFW tag added to videos on the Internet that generally entice me to watch them even more.

Usually with the sound off in case the kids pick up any words they haven’t yet heard me utter under my breath or use whilst driving. Anyway I *think* I just made up NSFSR in relation to a friend’s pyjama wearing.  It seems there are pyjamas that are suitable, and some that aren’t. I’m assuming this also depends on whether you have to leave the confines of your car to walk your children to their classroom or indeed the distance you need to travel from your car to the drop off zone. But NSFSR is not limited to night clothes. Ooooh no!

Clothing

Let’s start with pyjamas shall we? I have only ever seen (noticed) one mum dropping off her children in her pyjamas.  I say noticed as these particular pyjamas were light pink brushed cotton. Obviously pyjamas. Had they been grey or black I wouldn’t have noticed – note to self, only wear night-clothes that can double up as day clothes. Let me point out that this school in particular is a little walk from any sort of parking, plus it is a primary school so, you know, this lady had walked a fair way in her brushed pink numbers. Now, I’m not here to judge anyone (although, let’s face it we all do whether we mean to or not) but even I, wearer of yesterday’s undercrackers, can pull on a pair of trousers, even if they are a crumpled mess on the floor. Hey ho! Each to their own.

Next, staying with clothing (or lack of) we have bras. I myself wear a bra whenever I leave the house.  It is a necessity or I’d be playing the world’s longest game of keepy uppy but friends of mine assure me that you can hide a lack of bra under a comfy winter coat but the summer months are a whole different ballgame.  Obviously some ladies just don’t wear bras at all and that is fine and dandy.

Smoking

Smoking.  Just not ok.  Don’t do it in the vicinity of a school.  I used to smoke and occasionally partake after one too many sherberts. It’s not cool outside a school.

Cars

One of my all time NSFSR is cars. Many people have to drive to school. That’s understandable. My issue is with bad parking, parking so close to someone’s bumper that they can’t access their boot, blocking drives, parking on zig zags where the children cross, parking over the path so you can’t get past with a pushchair and have to walk on the road etc etc. It really grips my tits.

What’s worse than bad parking? Bad fecking driving. You know there’s a school, it’s school run time, you can see the children, DON’T mount the fucking path. DON’T get so close to the lollypop lady that she thinks she’s going to be run over (I personally witnessed this a couple of weeks ago). For the sake of all that is good and holy learn your highway code. Don’t pull out of your driveway over a footpath where someone is pushing a pushchair or I will bang on your window…yup, I will!

Phew.  That feels better

We walk most days, we have a fair walk but it’s actually preferable to the circus that is trying to park, get the pushchair out and so on, plus it’s nice to be able to chat to Big L. The problem with walking is you get stuck behind slow walkers. Teenage boys on their way to school are the worst. Then you have people at crossings in front of you that don’t cross at any given opportunity, and you can’t get past them. Worst of all the stoppers. The ones that stop with no warning then glare at you when you run into the back of their ankles with your pushchair. Sorry!

Personal Hygiene

Onto personal hygiene. I know, I know I’ve already admitted that I, on occasion, wipe under my armpits with a baby wipe. It’s better than nowt, surely? Not brushing your teeth is a risk though.  Imagine being called in to speak to your child’s teacher to discuss little Johnny’s behaviour (like flinging their poo at the back of the toilet door, this happened last week in the infant toilets. I shit you not) with breath that could melt steel? We’ve all done it though, right?

Yesterday’s make-up is a-ok, I’ve even been to work wearing the night before’s slap (I must have passed out lying on my back because it actually looked like I’d just put it on), but that trail of dry slobber around your mouth and down your cheek. Not ok.

Siblings

Last but not least (for now) younger siblings. God love ’em. They run amok, kick your pushchair, slow everyone down and generally get under your feet. I’m sure this will be Little L in the not too distant future so I’ll attempt to be patient. Being annoying not withstanding my friend’s little girl is forever kicking her boots off and apparently, children can die from cold feet or so it would seem from the reaction she gets. I have to say that old ladies in Sainsburys concur when Little L has no socks on.

So far that’s my round-up of NSFSR.  I’m sure I’ll think of more, I do like a good moan.  If you have any to add I’d love to hear them.

This post was first published here. For more from The Incidental Parent click here or check out some of the recent posts below.
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