How To Handle Very Dirty Frenchie Poops In 10 Steps

You know it. Baba is now having solids on a regular basis and Maman is struggling less and less with the whole weaning thing. Hurrah!

Oui, mais voilà. There is a big issue coming up with such a success. Baba transformed himself into a poop machine. Littéralement! Don’t get me wrong. When he was on milk, Frenchie Mummy still had to take care of 3 or 4 moutardes a day. You don’t know what it means? Just read our first Frenchie lesson and you will understand…

So now that Monsieur has become a veritable gourmet eater (having compotes, creamy fish pie, and even Baker Days cake!), he produces up to 6 poops a day! And those dirty Frenchie poops are far from nice, I am telling you what! Green, orange, purple…basically of all colours!

Happy-Rainbow-Poop-Men-T-Shirt
A Frenchie poop is multicoloured!

And of all shapes and forms: runny, liquid, hard… Let’s not forget the bad ones. The ones that Baba struggles with. You can see how difficile it is to be a baby pushing a moutarde out for Maman to handle it later on. His face becomes red. He is staring at me, concentrating really hard. It’s so tough to be an artist…

Thank god for that, Frenchie Mummy is well prepared. Even better! She is even willing to share her best tips to handle very dirty Frenchie poops! Don’t worries if your baby doesn’t produce Frenchie ones, smelling a mix of escargot and fromage. I am sure any other nationality has its ups (and downs!). Fish and chips poops for les anglais, pizza poops for les italiens and I save you from the other worldwide poops

So here are the 10 steps to handle rainbow poops from all over the world like a pro!

  1. The baby has a red face and is staring at the horizon. Refrain yourself from laughing. You may vex him/ her and stop le bébé in the middle of the making.
  2. Eventually, the poop has arrived, hurrah! Then comes the groan meaning ‘Clean my bum now!!!’ I don’t know about your little one, but Baba wants it gone and cleaned up the minute he is done with it. He didn’t use to do that before his rainbow poops! He was happy to leave it there and fall asleep nicely when he was still producing exclusively milky poops… Zut!
  3. Continue ignoring your child as you are very busy blogging, watching TV, exercising… Whatever is your drug … Soon, le bébé gets irritated and moans louderSacré Bleu! What a terrible service Madame!’ You then have no choice but operate. You need to stop whatever you are enjoying doing RIGHT NOW! (Yeah, yeah even the laundry ladies. I know it’s tough…)
  4. Grab the unhappy baby and bring him/her to the closest cleaning station to you ‘Alerte à la poop! Move over people! Beep Beep!’
  5. Make sure the baby is safe on a clean surface. Did you forget the peg? Deal with it woman!
  6. Undress the baby and take off the nappy, making sure that you are not spreading the content all over the place. You can do it, it’s nearly over…
  7. Grab a good and strong wipe. You might need more than one and do the rest. You may have to fight with le petit as he discovered that he could roll his entire body off. Especially when his favourite place to practise his new talent is the mat where you change him. I know, right? Why make it simple when we can make it complicated?
  8. Eventually, you get to the end. Grab a new nappy and cover the intimate parts before an accident happens. An obvious step, but it happened to Grumpy Boyfriend a couple of times. Just saying…
  9. Put all the clothes back on. Pretend you haven’t seen the smirk on the baby’s face that says ‘I will do another one in less than an hour! Get ready! 😛’
  10. Get rid of the parcel (meaning the fresh baby) to your other half (or whoever else is here) and pour yourself a glass of wine or get some chocolates. Attention! Make sure you disposed of the bag containing la monstrueuse moutarde and wash thoroughly your hands before! You don’t want to spoil the wine/ chocolate moment…

Here we go, we made it! Victoire!

This post was originally published here. For more from Frenchie Mummy click here or check out some of the recent posts below!

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