OK, so this is about pregnancy, giving birth and having young babies… All these experiences have happened to me and are slightly annoying.
- Avoiding pregnancy was annoying… take a pill, wear a condom. No! Don’t come there! You know… but trying to get pregnant on purpose is also annoying. Take your temperature, put your bum in the air, carry your husbands sperm to the clinic in your cleavage to keep it warm… I’ve done it all and it’s very, very annoying.
- You’re pregnant! After 3 years! But you can’t tell anyone… now that’s annoying! I did tell my mum, well you would heh?!
- Pregnancy wasn’t how I imagined it to be… puking at the smell of anything, falling asleep at 6pm but being awake all night, OMG the size of my boobs! Sleeping on the sofa for 4 months due to sciatica and only having one tent dress that fitted. All annoying but it was worth it…
- Listening to birth stories! OMG… why do other woman do this? Hello? I’m already pregnant! My older relatives were the worst… sooo annoying.
- Nesting. Why do we concentrate on getting the exact shade of lemon yellow for the nursery when we should be doing all the things we can’t do once baby arrives? The annoying thing is, we don’t realise this and continue to worry about the quality of the pram blankets…
- Giving birth. Look I know that some woman have this life changing, inspiring birth moment and that’s annoying, but I didn’t. So, to the midwife that stuck her hand up inside me declaring my baby was breech, then smiling that I could still do this naturally, you were fucking annoying. Then, to the same midwife who got cross that I was one of “too many” woman to plan a millennium baby who was now crowding the hospital… that was a tad annoying as I had taken 3 years to get to this point! But, to the other sooo kind midwife who told me I COULD do this and breathed with me at 10cm to get the epidural needle in, thank you… I was probably really annoying!
- To the other new mum in the C section ward who sang all night to her new baby when mine actually slept through. Shut up! You were annoying as that was possibly the only nights sleep I could have had in 9 months.
- To my new mum friends… you were soo annoying the way your baby slept through/ate new foods/crawled early/gained a tooth etc etc BUT you were also soo much fun and you kept me sane during those annoying sleepless nights.
- To my boobs… you were annoying because you produced way too much milk which made me wear about four tops per day. All that washing was very annoying. You also were bloody sore at times and looked like a pair of small bald men were feeding my, in comparison, tiny baby. Although to my hubbie, you were far from annoying!!
- To my mirrored wardrobe… I used to be able to see my reflection in the twilight as I sat up to breastfeed at 2/3/4am in those early days as my hubbie lay snoring next to me….you were annoying as I was oh so tired and I could see myself and remember thinking, “I used to be hot…..!”
- To time… I wished I could have controlled you… at times I wish you would speed up especially when my baby was crying for hours on end! Now, I wish I could rewind you and relive the precious first few months that I never appreciated due to tiredness and lack of experience… time is annoying because lovely times fly by whilst stressful times seem to stick. Hold your babies close and try to look up every now and then. Time makes memories fade…
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