We’ve been saving this one up for a long time. Definitely not just because it got lost in our mailbox somewhere. That would suggest that we are something less than the consummate website professionals that we clearly are.
So let’s just say we have been saving it up because it’s a really funny one and we were worried that the excessive use of swear words may alienate some of our readers. We then remembered that all of our readers were parents, and that all parents necessarily say fuck under their breath at least 1000 times a day, so it would probably be OK.
Yeah. Let’s go with that.
1. Tell us about yourself in 20 words or less:
37 year old, fat, functioning alcoholic who does awful stand up comedy and has two terrible children
2. Now do the same as if through the eyes of your worst enemy:
37 year old, fat, functioning alcoholic who does awful stand up comedy and has two terrible children – I basically am my own worst enemy
3. When and why did your child(ren) last make you laugh?
My two year old thinks that farting and burping are the funniest things in the world. We were standing in a queue in Sainsbury’s the other day and the man in front of us let one rip. Instead of the embarraed silence and stifled laughs of everyone els, may daughter says to him, “wow! High five! That was a huge fart!”
4. Do you try to be funny when you are writing? Tell us a bit about your blogging ‘process’.
Almost everything I wirte starts out life as notes for a stand up comedy set. I am forever whipping out my phone and tying a quick thought or sentence that I have thought of into my notes. Every few days, I will have a look at them and see if I can cobble a coherent set together from them and they mostly turn into blog posts about random subjects.
5. What do you think is the funniest thing you’ve ever written?
I wrote a parody of Dear Zoo, called Dear Tinder for the series of Mummy Princess stories that I write. It’s my most read and shared post ever and I have performed it as part of a stand up set too and it went down really, really well.
6. What or who do you rate as the funniest…
a. TV Show? I love the office. Like love it. Like I’d marry it.
b. Comedian? I used to hate Peter Kay, but I warmed to him a few years ago and now he makes me pee my pants.
c. Writer/blogger? I love Our Rach Blogs, I think she is brilliantly witty.
7. Do your friends/family find you funny in ‘real life’?
Nope. I am an utterly miserable cow.
I have my moments, usually when I have had a drink.
I am the complete ‘can act funny on stage, but is depressed in real life’ cliché.
8. Go on, tell us a joke.
What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a pit bull?
Just the pitbull
9. What’s your tipple?
A pint of Stella
10. If you could only have one meal every day for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
Jacket potato with tuna mayo. Oh god yes.
11. Complete the sentence; ‘Before I had a child…’
I was too young to have had any opinions on anything.
I was 22 when my eldest was born.
That was back in the dark ages.
12. In your opinion, what is the worst children’s TV show, and why?
Oh dear God, so so many to chose from.
Granny Murray is fucking weird. I hate the programme, but at one point I got a bit obsessed with it (when the baby wasn’t sleeping and wanted it on at 3am every night) and wrote back stories for all the characters.
If you delve deep, it’s actually quite disturbing.
13. Please tell us about your blog and why we should visit:
You should visit www.notaneffingfairytaleblog.com because I could really use the stats.
You will learn lots of new swear words, heaps about my sex life and quite a lot about why I have a problem with the Catholic faith.
That was another good one, wasn’t it?! Her blog is well worth a read, so if you get a spare few minutes today have a little browse through and see what you think! Next week we will be featuring whoever’s answers have been lost in our inbox for the longest…