Leading holiday companies operate holiday transfers that deliberately drop families with young children back at tinpot foreign airports at least 3 hours before their homeward flight purely for comedy value it has been revealed.
A survey of 100 luminous t-shirt wearing tour reps asked a range of questions regarding family holiday destinations and found some quite staggering answers. Some of the highlights included:
‘We operate return flights halfway through the night because it’s a laugh watching young families hang around the resort on the last day not being able to drink alcohol, having to get changed in the toilets and generally getting progressively grumpier’
‘We always aim to get families back to the airport at least 3 hours before their flight is due to leave. If the airport is really tinpot we sometimes dump them there 4 hours before. Some of the reps then hang around with cameras capturing some of the most amusing moments as the evening unfolds! We’ve seen fights, tantrums, breakdowns – some people have even been carted off by the police or hospital staff – it’s f***ing hilarious!’
‘Parents dump their kids on us throughout their holidays. We have to pretend to be happy and friendly, whilst sunburnt, pissed and wearing luminous t-shirts. I even had to dress up as a pissing brussel sprout last week! The least we can do is leave them all in a 1970s shithole airport for a few hours with 2 toilets, 1 shop, a closed cafe and no air conditioning. See how much the little bastards enjoy it then!’
The survey also found that 78% of reps at family resorts drank alcohol ‘at least 10 times per day’ whilst on duty. ‘It’s the only thing that gets me through the day’, one told us. Shockingly, results also showed that 23% of reps require extensive counselling after finishing a season looking of other people’s children. Another rep revealed that ‘every day is a living hell – some of the kids are just evil. It’s like trying to herd vicious, gobby, Northern squirrels’.
So if you’re about to embark on your Summer holidays at a family resort, spare a thought for the poor holiday reps who applied for the Club 18-30s resort in Ibiza and ended up dressed as a sprout looking after your feral children.
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